"Not that I didn't notice when I walked in, but really nice work with the gym."
It was halfway through the first Open Gym of the year and the compliment only intensified the sweeping sensation of satisfaction and contentment. There was no guise, no worn drawl in my presence (as would be expected come the weary middle of the year). Even amidst the tiffs and fumbles (including my first commemorative iPhone screen-cracking experience) I finally felt unquestionably in synch with where I was supposed to be.
As an over thinker, I'm not a good anticipator. I do it too much, going against all of the newfangled studies cautioning us to silence our brain's worry wart (oh habit, you stubborn thing). In retrospect, the fluster of the weeks before had much to do with work that was associated with preparing for things to be anticipated, things yet to unfold. It is not necessarily the work itself; I like having a lot to do. No, it's the waiting for the results of my work. Patience (there's that Habit word, again).
Once the Gym started and I could see the results of my work, the sense of meaning and purpose fell into place. Even as it will take some time for the kids to warm up to efforts and ideas I have, every little acknowledgement is a small win (and those slowly change the habit or nature of a place or situation).
So where were all my crazy chaotic hours going up to this point?
With the much-appreciated help of Kerissa and Matt, we tackled a bulk of the "visual vibe". I put in a few long afternoons cleaning and moving "useless shit" (the official outside-of-gym-time title) out of the way. Kerissa and Matt helped prepare what is slowly heading towards a spacious study/quiet area and Kerissa created some stunning, artful calendars for our first three months, where we will be marking all events, holidays and each kid's birthday (I foresee a lot of cake-making this year!) We made new 'art wall', 'announcement' and 'faces of Open Gym' space on the wall where I will finally be hanging the kids' pictures (bringing my printer up this year was the best idea ever) along with "This year, I want to work on..." statement pieces that a surprising amount willingly filled out that first night. We attempted to paint the sign-in table with a mysterious enamel we had which turned out to be oil-based and leaving an unsettling texture. But it still looks better than the stained underbelly it is now disguising. On it, I filled the space with hand-outs, sign-ups and a stack of new, giant cups which the kids will name-tag and use through the year, saving on the expense of those horrible plastic ones (and saving on litter outside).
At 3:28, I even wanted to open the doors early. I was surprised to peak outside and see that J and S had been sitting quietly on the steps; due to the lack of pounding on the doors, I hadn't even known anyone was there yet (doubt that will keep up, but we can hope). When the kids came in, there wasn't any of the normal sparring for the sign-in sheet. In fact, they seemed kind of bewildered, trying to remember what to do and where to put their things. In contrast to this day the year before, I was exactly the opposite.
While the book club and garden ventures weren't that successful in garnering attention, some of the kids took to the little goal sheets I had laying out in an array of colors. One of our previously unruly kiddos not only accepted a photo snap with his buddy but also took serious consideration in filling out the form. "I don't know..." he said at first, sincerely. But as he thought, a light bulb went off. "This year, I want to work on...getting a job", he completed. Others I got were "drawing, snowboarding, winning a bike race, math...and finally "arguing" from my favorite little trouble maker. I was so assumptive of his stubbornness that at first, I assumed he meant he wanted to work on arguing more. A few minutes later after I had offered an employing reaction, I realized he meant he wanted to learn to argue less. I felt bad and went to clarify and apologize. Matt and Kerissa had been fairly jarred by his attitude that night, understandably. But even with some inevitable, unacceptable behavior arising from him, I could tell he was even slightly more aware of his behavior and actions than the year before. The looks I tend to get from him now are not ones of judgment, but ones that almost beg that I keep pushing him and challenging his behavior. Even with the little kiddos, growing less drastically in attitude within the few months of summer, were taller, more stable in their presence, animated with a glow and confidence of growth in their faces.
My secretly healthy pumpkin cookies were a huge success with the kids as well, but of the whole night, there were still two big "work in progress areas." First, the idea to integrate a cooperative game in after snack time did not pan out very smoothly the first night. We began with "rock paper scissors chain". The game starts with everyone going against one other person at random, but if you win, you form a chain behind your former "opponent" and become a cheer leader for them, chanting their name as you go off to find another growing chain. In the end of course, everyone is on the same team as one long train. It was a frantic scramble but most kids sort of hodge-podgedly participated. However, the metaphor for cooperation and being a team fell pretty quietly onto the floor under the commotion. It was supposedly a build up to the next thing: a webbing loop activity in which every other person leans in while holding the webbing in a circle while the others lean out. If you apply the whole "working as a team thing, everyone stays balanced and upright. If you're an Open Gym kid, it becomes a tug of war game, a yelling match, and finally a chant for "more four-square.
I'm not giving up on the game idea, though. Rusty start, s'all.
The other thing of course, was four-square. Chaos as usual, Kerissa and I had different approaches in mind and a lapse in communication, after the kids failed to abide by the new rule in place: you cuss, put down, get nasty? You're out also. We were able to have a good discussion about it after we closed that night and on Monday, the kids will be making a rule list similar to last year's bowling list before being allowed to play again. In addition to Kerissa and Matt, Lou, Ainsley and Erika came down from Cispus and joined in the fun and afterwards, four of us went out to the Spruce where we got time to debrief further and reminisce about the first week in schools and our ideas for things to come.
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