In any journey, you gotta start talkin' about dualities and opposites...

Fingers wander across my neck and bite at nails. My ankles trace circles. My eye is twitching. Plus, the cashier Josh has already commented on my pathetic amount of time in the Co-op Café. There are magnets in the clouds that pulls my breath. It is time to go. 

I am a house, split. Two bodies. One is wispy. It moves so freely when given the room but finds it so hard to push against walls. It tires. It sleeps. The other taunts it, for it can break whatever it wants and moves with heavy feet. Because this body moves fast and this body rebels and this body hardens in defense when I blame it or shame it.

But this hardened piece is a part of me, and it gets tired of fighting. And when it does, my other body knows its time, it is ready to feel its world again. 

When I go to the woods, I dance with this part of me that feels in light and speaks with soft eyes. My hardened body is tired. 

But now a confession: I have left feeling a sense of home. But I have never been able to say I am going home. Each time, something catapults like stomach lifting in the exhilaration of an amusement park ride. Like a house rule so old and rusted it is never remarked upon or re-evaluated, this quiet preparatory hum tells me to leave a piece at the door. Like taking off your shoes. 

It is easy to glorify. We are people of the light. But I do not want to glorify this gathering of souls.  It shouldn’t have to be this exception. It shouldn’t have to encourage this splitting, this hiding from the world out here. Because my hardened self wants to be loved and wants to be love. And then maybe you will see it has a gift. I want this gathering to be a healing, a mending. The hardness and softness, sewn together, all of my colors bleeding into one another like a rainbow… 

What matters more

Than this body

Bursting like blue

Brimming like

Mountain boulder barrier

Breath is so hard to find

Once you know it is there

When eyes close

When world enters underneath

Into 

Within

When what matters more

Is what is

Light and Dark

See you all in a couple weeks!
Lovin' you all