10 Vipassana Take-aways

1. You can always go a bit further
Whether I had to push through one more hour or one more day, I was made acutely aware of how lazy I'd gotten in my daily life. Allowing myself to take a half hour to walk down the path from the cabins to the lodge felt like hard work. But it was rewarding. I may spend the last 15 minutes of a meditation wondering if I could go a minute further with the pain, and then 15 minutes would be up. On our rest periods, there wasn't much to do but stretch and drink water and I noticed how negligent I'd been to be aware of my muscles that way. Because of the diligence in the meditation practice however, I needed no warming up. I pushed into the farthest stretches because the pain was not registering in a way that made me reactive.

2. But know what serves you
I have a habit of blindly aiming to fulfill a practice or set of guidelines to the highest caliber, out of sheer stubbornness or naive paranoia that I won't otherwise achieve any benefit. However, this pattern of thinking is what makes me not stop for water breaks on a hike, or commit to three day fasts and put myself through mental turmoil, agonizing over whether or not I should allow myself a drink of something more than water. A Vipassana retreat does have to follow a strict set of rules, to give the practice fair trial. But Goenka himself emphasizes how important it is not to accept the practice our of fear, promise of reward, or with blind faith. I am still figuring out what parts fit in my life, but it was a huge step for me to begin to break the misguided rigidity I feel when presented with ritual.

3. A lot can happen in a moment
Just when I would be ready to give up during a sit, thinking that simply sitting with my eyes closed would not merit any changes for the rest of that period, I would sometimes experience a sweeping shift all at once, that would carry me into another level of introspection with myself.

On the more mundane level, I also became aware of how little I accomplish in a day. Sitting for ten hours really shows you how much potential time you are gifted with each day.

4. You're never going to be as perfect as you think 
The first part of the retreat brought me to confront all the bad habits and negative thought patterns that I brush over or try not to notice as a part of myself. Feelings of ugliness, selfishness, impulsiveness, laziness, ego all arose.

5. But you're always going to be more than you think 
On the same token, as I began to meet those darker sides with more compassion, I also began to recognize all the ways in which I embodied the values of vipassana. Ways I'd grown to be a whole-heartedly compassionate person, moments I'd grown to be less reactive of and times I'd learned to sit with discomfort.

6. And either way, you are loved
Through it all, I experienced overwhelming gratitude for having the opportunity to experience the fullness and richness of love and support, beyond my family, beyond what feels "expected."

7. Trust is a placebo for mind-power
I also found that I really don't trust that my mind is capable of remembering a lot, processing a lot, or dealing with complex critical analysis. Of course, because we weren't doing much besides hanging with our minds for two weeks, I couldn't rely on crutches such as the internet, taking notes (well, mostly) or filtering through others' views. The more I discovered my mind could hold onto, the more trust I could begin to build towards its ability. Self-fulfilling prophecy, of course.

8. Your body is alway listening, even when you're not
I discovered that a combination of a little less indulgence, a little more patience and a little more awareness could very well be the simple formula for the bulk of my digestive ailments. I'd told myself that much my past was over and parted with, but as memories began to arise, I noticed how the block in my gut could be directly associated with things I'd really not listened to an processed.

9. Cling to the tools, not the moments
There are plenty of times where so many reflections seemed to culminate in this overwhelming feeling of accomplishment and motivation. It was easy to feel like nothing would take me down ever again. But nothing lasts, even balance...

10...So never stop practicing. 
Since leaving and moving, I've hit emotional walls sooner than I thought. It's frustrating, but as long as I keep sitting and coming back to the lessons learned, as long as I keep engaging, I cannot be lost for long...