It seems I was infected by the flea. No sooner than the next day, I had begun to develop a bout of flu-y ick-y drudgery and by the end of the week, I had a fever. Amid the sunny, warming weather, Mary's exciting return and a subsequent visit from her sister, I was doing my best to carry out my bare minimum obligations (Before and after the fever of course) and missed out on most of the extra funzies.
Even the bare minimum wasn't so bare, though. At open gym on Wednesday, I had the pleasure of imparting my friendship bracelet-making hobby on to some of the kids. The next day, one of the moms was in the Thrift Store and told me how fond her kid was of me. "He talked about you for over an hour last night! His bracelet is so neat. He's great at those kinds of things." I was surprised to hear such praise come from one of our more erratic kids but I accepted it glowingly. It opened up an avenue with his mom that I'd never had access to, since most of the parents are just in and out each night. It also gave me insight as to how to engage him more in the future. Later that day, another parent told me how much her kid loved me and then at girl's night, I finally got to feel helpful at the teen center when I led a group game of "Fire on the Mountain" outside.
My soul feeds off of connection and as my body was all limping and mangled, the enrichment was extra soul-foody.
That evening, I also got a text from my very important Packwood kid who had suddenly been presented with yet another struggle on top of her already out-of-control life. I wrote monologues of support to her throughout the evening and we arranged to take a walk the next day.
Friday was the day I found out I had a fever, so I willed myself to do next to nothing all day long so that it would be gone by the time I was supposed to take a walk. Mary came to my rescue with the flu remedy and I drowned myself in tea and broth and sun-naps.
After some necessary re-scheduling, we didn't end up walking until close to 6pm, so I had much more recuperation time. She took me up to the infamous Power House for my first time and we walked and talked for a good couple of hours. As even more difficulties were disclosed throughout our conversation, it became more and more difficult to suppress my yearning to throw myself into all sources of begging and seeking and learning and rallying to access the resources and aid that I felt so strongly she deserved. I kept drawing on the tried and true social-work wisdom about the importance of separating work from personal. I feel cautious and uncomfortable about my bias. Plenty of these kids have it tough here. But it was her poignant description of her experiences; her resignation to put all else before her; her draw to trekking through off-beaten trails and camping in fields under open sky; her innate wisdom that had to come from some journey-guided gift she had, given the poor influences around her; her potential. I can just see so much potential. And yet it is not my place.
The sun was beginning to set as we finished our walk and although it was far later than I'd planned, I didn't care. My biggest tool out here is simply my time. And I want it to reside with those who don't have much of their own to find themselves in.
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