Commemoration

I tend to want to commemorate things. A last something, a first something, tokens of thanks or appreciation, distinguishing elements to indicate transitions. Why I find ceremony so important, I don't know. Perhaps these acts are filling in for something of more substance, making something more or less mundane seem meaningful or more than it is. Or perhaps it is because of how life touches me - that I see the meaning is there - that I feel I owe these homages.

I know that not everyone is drawn to ceremony in the same way. It most certainly is not a big thing out here, to embellish otherwise everyday moments. I've tried in various instances throughout the year and they get more or less overlooked.

It's okay, though. Meghann warned us upon starting that we would frequently feel under-appreciated.  For the most part, this has proven to be radically untrue. I'll take the gloss-over of a little of my sappy ways. And it's okay because it's who I am, and if anything, by continuing to what I do, it allows me my perspective. It keeps me going.

AmeriCorps brings about a different breed of busy, so I have not always been able to find the time to put as much thought into things as I would like. The end of the year has snuck up amongst field trips and fundraisers and last minute odds and ends. So when I realized last week that our last day of Open Gym had arrived, I had limited resources to work with.

Our regular itinerary for a last day celebration had been to grill hot dogs and hamburgers, and have a water balloon toss. I wanted to invite full families to participate and embellish a little by making something for each of the kids. With more time, I had many more ideas up my sleeve but given what I had, I decided to make cards with personalized thank-yous inside. I also decorated a box and printed out feedback forms to try and engage in more conversation with the whole family.

noon struck on Monday. Then one. Then two. We wondered if maybe some kids confused the time, even though we'd stated and restated up to the very day. But mostly, I knew it was the chance we always took with these things out here. The parents of the kids that did come had no interest in lingering to learn about the place they'd been leaving their kids at all year.

Nonetheless, we had fun. Some of the kids that turned out were ones I'd recently started investing more attention on as I learned more about their stories and behavior nuances. The group was a perfect size for getting down the rope swing, but also for inducing more cooperation and more in depth conversations. One of the girls I'd been trying to get a feel for all year had finally started talking to me more readily and that day, was surprisingly eager to share her summer school experience. One boy who had a particularly hard time with taking things personally hit on one such situation that allowed me the opportunity to have one of our best interactions yet where I got to talk to him about his own power to choose how to respond to things.

Oh, hours slaving away with balloons...

...and minutes to watch them pop!

Balloon Toss Champions!

Free for all!

At the end of the day, I gave out the few cards that had matches in attendance and each kid was eager to see what kind of design they got. I looked at the remaining pile in my hand and still felt an inner smile. Whether or not these ever make it to the kids, in making them, I was forced to notice the unique appreciations that I found I had for each and every one. And that was my ceremony.

Winding up the day with the last of our kiddos 

In the next two days, my parents will be here. It will be a whirlwind of visits and packing and revving up for travel and quiet moments of reflection I may have hoped for will certainly go by the wayside.

And so I want to take the opportunity now, to say thank you.

The people out here are truly some of the most resilient people I know. In a system where job opportunity is slim and the prospect of a degree or a future outside of this town is even slimmer, the personal decisions I watch people have to make says more about their will and character than I have ever had. I talk to individuals all over who have self-recovered from drug or alcohol abuse, or who have escaped poor partnerships to raise kids on their own and their dedication to those recoveries is incredible when the odds of their surroundings are so against them. I can barely go two months without giving into a coffee here or there.

Each soul that builds this community has built a home in my heart. I have loved going about each day feeling perfectly safe and surrounded by a "family." I love knowing that wherever I turn, there is someone there willing to help out in any way they can. I love the kids for their unfathomable strength and their struggles and challenges that challenge me. I love that I feel fully integrated, whether I am working at the coffee shop, with the kids, hanging at the Spruce, volunteering at the thrift store, going to the store, or even just walking down the road. I love the incredibly supportive team that I had the opportunity to be a part of and the amazing way I watched us resolve conflict, work through differences and come to one another with honesty and trust. And I love my Packwood Sister Mary! Without her, this experience never would have been the same. My first guide to Packwood and the people, my Open Gym sidekick, the care-free to my stress-face, the closest person to confide in, and the best duplex-mate one could ever ask for! I will miss you more than that mountain is wide!

And so as I move into the summer, this is my pause to these moments. This is my mark of their meaning.

And excitement begins to build. For AmeriCorps year two!