Half Way

AmeriCorps saga 2013-2014 is half way over. 

Moments of reflection have been creeping into my day-to-day. I find myself thinking about those first few weeks of Open Gym and around town, feeling like the outsider on trial. A candidate or in-law being evaluated for approval. I remember wondering how I was going to ever build a closeness with some of our kids or how I felt cornered into a status-quo of a worn out AmeriAgenda. Or simply how there were to many names to remember in this town!

Now it all seems ridiculous. The doubt I held as I read previous members' words of wisdom has transformed into wisdom of my own. 

This half way feels like a beginning, and I don't think I am the only one.  

In just this past month, I have felt closer to everyone. The community, the kids the group. Dynamics between the eleven of us co-workers are not always the most pleasant but they are more real now. At this point, we all have a deep sense of one another as individuals and even through disagreements, I have enjoyed recognizing how my ability to communicate in these situations continues to evolve. 

In some recent back and forth with Alice, we both shared a similar expanding of acceptance for the work we are doing. Particularly with the kids. You start out recognizing the well-behaved ones, the easy-going days, the challenging combinations of people, the most taxing quirks. At first, there is the set of favorites, the appreciation for easy cooperation that makes days go fast and smooth. And now, there is a full circle. Suddenly, the difficulties and the more mysterious attitudes become more engaging and finally, every child is a gem, even the toughest shelled. That takes real understanding and relationship. 

And in turn, I seem to have passed evaluation with flying colors. Everyone I see driving down the road is a friendly face to wave at. Parents finally know my name and kids are finally asking for me as a person and a friend than just someone to lay down rules or get them something they need. I find that my influence I have underestimated is re-established with every kid that goes out of their way to say hi, wave, rush up and hug me whenever we cross paths. Even when I cannot fully acknowledge my own influence, I can see that they see it. And it has inspired me to continue finding little ways to enliven the open gym and the other work that I do. When people now ask if I am staying a second year, I feel like there is genuinely one answer that they want me to have. 

And that answer is yes.

Our collection of kiddos sweeping our floor : ) 

celebrating JC's 18th